Tesco-op set to transform every community

After all, every little helps your members

April Fools’ Day special

An explosion of co-operatives are set to take over Britain, according to an internal document from the department for business.

The Coalition government, a keen proponent of employee-ownership and decentralisation of services, is reportedly “fed up” with the “problems of big business”.

In reaction, a white paper is being circulated that suggests big businesses should be decentralised from 1 April 2015 to their employees and customers in a move described as the Even Bigger Society.

Employee-ownership advocate Crystal Ball explains: “The prime minister and chancellor are big supporters of co-operatives and believe it’s time Britain totally runs itself without interference from the state.”

One of the first companies to be transformed is set to be a well-known high street supermarket.

The new Tesco-op brand is set to be trialled this year and all Clubcard members, alongside employees, will own a slice of Britain’s top retail chain.

Tesco-op will rival traditional retail co-operatives with megastores in every community.


Its pocket-friendly Everyday Value range will be renamed the Everyday Values range, as the corporation is set to embed Co-operatives principles into its business.

“It’s an amazing proposal,” adds Crystal Ball. “After all, every little helps your members.”

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